HAUNTED *excerpt from Inside the Dragon's Heart*

Haunted

Haunted from the darkness of the eyes

Enchanted with a glistening smile

Enthralled by contours and curves

Obsessed with the untouchable

Lusting for the unattainable

Desiring the pleasure of the flesh

Yearning for a glimmer of hope

A chance to touch a dream

Nights filled with mental imagery

Experiencing that special moment

Two bodies in gratifications

Waking to a cold hard sweat

An illusion that will not fade

A mystery wanting to be unfolded

Longing to feel an emotional connection

A fantasy consuming life

Through messages and pictures

Imagination replaces reality

Visions control every consciousness

Haunted by a what if

A brief encounter could fill the void

Ease the suffering of the heart

Feeding the craving cures the preoccupations

Single embrace releases the ghosts

Forever haunted with the impossible

A remnant of sanity remains in tact

Preventing the total destruction of the mind

Yet still yearning for the affections of another

Haunted

Sher Boudreau…..2002-08-07 ©

Coping with Loss A Journey to Self Healing

September 11 2001


A day that needs no remarks really because everyone in the world recognizes that date for one reason or another. For me, that date came with a very high price; life.  The profound loss from that day has been at best a challenge to contend with. At worst, it reminds me of mortality and what has been left in deaths wake.


Sure, everyone will tell you that you have to go through all the stages of grief before you can truly heal, but what if you can't manage the stages? Anger seems to be the stage that staggers my progress of self healing. I'm angry that I wasn't there to save my friends. I'm angry that terrorists disrupted the lives of millions by becoming mass murderers. I'm angry that vengeance really didn't resolve any issue. I'm angry that I can't watch any of my 'military action' films without crying hysterically. I'm angry that family and friends that weren't affected by the tragedy don't understand emotional upheaval. Mostly, I'm angry that I was made to feel completely helpless and vulnerable.


So here it is 10 yrs later. Wow! I can't even fathom that 10 years have flown by without me even noticing. To me, it is still like it just happened. The nightmares are as vivid as reality. I struggle daily with feeling desolation and hatred. There hasn't really been any comfort for me. People have tried to comfort me in a myriad of ways but still the pain flows over me like a waterfall during winter thaw. 


Those who were lost, their lives have been forever marked with the black pen of murder. Their families left to continue their journey alone and with an unfillable void.  An annual memorial service reminds us all what transpired and what was lost but it doesn't change history. 


We will all eventually be able to move on, cope and heal but those of us who still struggle daily will always feel the anguish and yearn to turn back the clock to a happier time. My clock would be turned back so far that my life would not reveal itself to be anything like it is right now. That being said, I am who I am because of what has happened not in spite of it. 


"That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger", a quote that I've recited over and over again but absolutely without a doubt do not believe for a second. That which doesn't kill us, leaves us here to endure the death of others. 


To those that I have lost, I say, I miss you and love you always. To those who have lost, I say, you are never alone and you will always find a shoulder or tissue to cry into.


forever x eternity = infinity 

A SIMPLE GOODBYE..excerpt from 'Inside the Dragon's Heart'

A Simple Goodbye

In the stillness of night

Tears flow like a tidal wave

From memories of a life gone by

Glancing over a marble stone

Reading the words over and over

Staring down at the wilted flowers

A simple goodbye not enough

Writhing hands and shaking flesh

Wishing fate had not wielded its hand

A portion of life ceases

Acceptance of past events and the road ahead

Not an ending but a new beginning

A transformation into a new entity

Angel eyes gazing down from above

Pain eases to a remindful hurt

Days slip into weeks into years

Marking anniversaries with tears and flowers

Passing on to next generations

A history of a life taken too quickly

A simple goodbye was not enough

Gone but never forgotten

Always in the heart forever in the soul

Missing you today tomorrow and forever

Sher B….2010-06-02 ©