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Thursday, August 09, 2012

Questions that always come up


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?  

Once you're in heaven do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why, do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going  dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Get a Blogger Badge - Invisible Illness Awareness Week

Get a Blogger Badge - Invisible Illness Awareness Week

I Remember When

There are days that go by that I can remember what life was like before Fibro, before osteoarthritis, before Meniere's Disease etc etc. Then there are the days that I can't remember anything but.
Today is one of those days. It is a day where I can't recall the last time I didn't have to smile through the pain. That I didn't have to hide the excruciating throbbing in my lower back. I could go hours on end hearing every word being spoken and not smiling like an idiot because I couldn't hear the actual conversation.
I can remember when Doctors actually cared more about their patients then they did the amount of patients they could see in a day. Or how many prescriptions they wrote compared to actual treatments.
I don't remember the last time I could sit for more than 5 minutes without wondering if I was going to be able to get back up.
Most of all, I can't remember when I didn't cry so much. I can't remember the last time I had a week with no tears at all.
Pain is real, emotions are real, disease is real. Life..............
Is Hell

Mental Illness and Me

I suffer from Mental Illness. Whew, I said it. The most difficult admission I'll ever have to do. Gone are the days of hiding behind closed doors and not admitting that I am a 'victim' of Mental Illness. I can remember growing up and visiting a 'Sanitarium' that was filled with people suffering from different mental diseases. Being frightened beyond measure and not wanting to ever grow up to be 'like that'.
Surprise, surprise! Here I am almost 45 and have been dealing with Depression for most of my life. I can remember the first time I tried to take my own life. I was 14, almost through my first year of high school and had everything in front of me. Still, deep inside my soul there was a fear that I would never be 'good enough'. That I could never 'stand up' to the dreams people had put in place for me.
I never had a lot of friends. Partly, because I would never let anyone get close enough to me and partly because I suffered from such paranoia and anxiety that I could never believe anyone truly wanted to be my friend.
I stared down a bottle of vodka, then a second and chased that down with 20 'Tylenol' tablets. I thought that my death would end my troubles and that no one would ever miss me. Needless to say, that attempt failed.
Through my teenage years, suicide attempts were as frequent as the seasons. From pills, to knives to alcohol. I tried it all. Never succeeding to take my own life. Something always barred my attempts. All the while, no one really knew what inner turmoil was inside me. A few feeble attempts at Psychotherapy, but I was unwilling to admit I had a problem.
By the time I hit 20, my suicide attempts had totalled 12 and I was deep into a manic state. I would have days and weeks of euphoria and the energy of 100. Those would quickly be followed up by months of endless tears, fits of rage and disgust and falling deep into an abyss of ignorance and avoidance.
My depression was likely the catalyst to two failed marriages, endless relationships and a habit of 'gypsy' like moving from one place to another. I moved to flee the problems that my depression was presenting. I thought that if I left, everything would be great. No one would know my past and my history of depression and I could be like everyone else in the world. Wow! Was I wrong.
At almost 45, I've finally come to terms with my Mental Illness. I accept that I have manic periods of euphoria and depression. I accept that I have a temperament that isn't always conducive to friendships and relationships. I understand that I shouldn't be ashamed to admit I am one of millions who suffer daily from depression.
I still struggle day-to-day with wanting to be part of the 'outside' world. There are days that I wish I was alone in my own little universe with no one around. I have to look in the mirror every day and reassure myself that I'm 'normal' and that I can make a difference in my community.
Yes, I still periodically have moments of wanting to 'die'. Especially when my Fibromyalgia is flaring. The pain I suffer from every day, doesn't make coping with my depression any better. Those days are the worst for me. I will sit and cry for hours, wishing for death to come. Wanting nothing more than to escape the world of pain and anguish that I am in.
Medications have improved greatly over the years and I think I've tried a large portion of them over the last 31 years. I am and likely always will be on medication to help control my Mental Illness. I also know that talking things out with a Therapist is of great benefit to me and my family.
If you know someone who suffers from Mental Illness pass this on. Who knows maybe my story will help someone else get the help they need.

Medical update 2012

To all my friends:
I found out this morning that Canada Pension did not hearing that the Review Tribunal found that I was significantly disabled and that I was entitled to receive Canada Pension Disability. They are now submitting an application for appeal
I found out they ARE ENTITLED to appeal a decision from an Independent Panel. Where the fuck is that fair?
At any rate, I now have to go through the whole Tribunal process again and anyone that knows me knows how much it took out of me last time. I'm so suicidal right now that I'm barely hanging on by a thread called MASTER.
So, I'm begging my friends to write a letter to MP RANDY KAMP (Maple Ridge/PittMeadows) and tell him to fight for me. That is part of his responsibility to his constituents. He is supposed to fight for us.
Hopefully, with enough letters, the Judge will find that the government is over reaching and they will have to pay up.
It has already been 5 years of battling

5 years of agony. 5 years of anxiety, anguish, frustration, anger, rage, tears and fears. 5 years of having my life in the hands of bureaucrats. 5 years of contending with the Canadian government.
5 years of endless doctors, specialists, hospitals, clinics, tests and blood-work.
The end result a meeting of the 'minds' in a Tribunal in February to decide my fate.
Earlier this morning, an unexpected knock on our door changed our lives forever. The mail-person handed Brek an envelope addressed to me and signed for it. He handed me the envelope but hadn't looked to see who it was from.
I started to shake when I saw the return address. Office of the Tribunal Canada Pension. I opened the envelope and pulled the thick documentation out. My hands were shaking beyond belief and tears were already welling into my eyes.
The first few Official lines didn't really give me what I wanted. I feverishly read through the paperwork (speed-reading is sometimes a glorious thing) and got to the last page.
We find for the Appellent OMFG did I read that correctly? The government and Tribunal including what I thought was a 'blood sucking' Lawyer sided with me. They agreed that I am disabled and unable to work!
The saving grace for me, was the documentation that I brought with me. The key piece of information that had the diagnoses from my doctor along with the disabled designation that the government had already given me for tax purposes.
That being entered into evidence at the meeting, I think was what tilted things in my favor.
I'm beyond thrilled at the decision to say the very least. I may not be working but at least I'll have an income. I won't have to borrow money from Brek to buy presents for Brek.
The tears are still in my eyes and if I think about it too much, I start to cry again. I still have to wait a bit for the payments to start trickling in but OMFG it is finally OVER