Chronic Illness Update
So today was my appointment with my Rheumatologist in downtown Vancouver. The drive is painful at best and gives me just enough time to push my anxiety level to maximum overdrive. (roughly 45mins drive).
Mercifully, she is fantastic and took me earlier than my appointment time. (how many Doctor's can do that?) We spent the majority of the visit, discussing my Fibromyalgia and Disability Tribunal in February. After having such a horrid visit with my family Doctor a couple weeks ago, I was determined to make sure my specialist knew everything that I was feeling and experiencing before being 'pushed out' the door.
She allowed me the time to sit and cry hysterically at one point while talking about my lack of appetite and inability to eat most days. She is quite concerned about my weight loss and vomit/nausea issues.
While acknowledging my Chronic Illnesses (Osteoarthritis, Meniere's Disease, Fibromyalgia, Depression, Chronic Fatigue and Chronic Pain), she is also now checking me for Lupus.
I guess, the best part of the visit, was the fact that she sat and let me vent about my family doctor. She made worthwhile and logical suggestions as well as ordering tests that haven't been done (that should be done on a monthly basis).
I told my doctor that I was fully aware of the progression and deterioration of the diseases and I'm at peace with that. What I cannot contend with is the day-to-day issues of the illnesses. I never know what to expect from one day to the next and that is the frustrating part.
I would love to know that tomorrow my pain level would be a 6 (that's amazing and as close to pain free for me as I get). I would like to know that I won't be strapped to the bed/sofa because even the slightest movement causes excruciating pain. I would love to be able to plan events days or months in advance without worrying about having to cancel because I'm completely immobile.
The guilt I feel is tremendous. Not because I can't work but because of the fear that I may have doomed my child to the same issues. Goddess, I hope not for her sake.
So now the countdown starts to the Tribunal. I'm far from confident on my case but know that whatever happens is supposed to happen. Of that, I have no doubt. Fate and destiny are the two things I never dispute.
The journey continues.....